You'll Be In My Heart
by StarsInTheRain
Summary: Four or five years before City of Bones began, on a cold morning near the Institute, a month after their  first joint demon hunt, Alec Lightwood returns with a new secret realised. Trouble is, Jace can't be allowed to know. Read and Review!


My first MI fanfic! I was just looking at the latest movie news, read the first book, and for some reason, I wanted to write a fic with Alec and Jace at the age of twelve. It was fun to think about what they would have been like then. ^_^

Oh, and it's based around the moment when Alec first realises he's in love with Jace (during a life-or-death fight against a demon, of course!) and shocked at the revelation, he immediately runs off to travel with Maryse and Robert for a month once he knows Jace is out of critical condition. Then he returns, only Jace has no idea of the real reason Alec couldn't face him afterwards!

Reviews would be lovely. ^_^

**You'll Be In My Heart**

It felt abnormal at the Institute.

By abnormal, Jace meant strange for _him._

Empty, somehow, as though something vital was missing, and he felt it most of all at night.

Whenever Jace wasn't fighting with Isabelle or having his attempts at sneaking out to indulge in a forbidden demon hunt foiled, he would prowl the white, gaping corridors of the building, again and again, sometimes sprinting, sometimes dragging his exhausted feet, housebound by his almost-healed injuries and the tangled snarls of his roiling mind.

Life had been so much easier when he was only eleven.

For the past week Isabelle had never failed to shriek at him, at about two in the morning, to 'stop acting like one of those damn Night Children and let me get my beauty sleep!'

Not being in a very tolerant mood, Jace had first remarked that if her vanity was this bad now, the boys would flee on sight in a few years. And he'd be sure to remind them.

She responded with a badly-aimed crack of Cleopatra.

Jace retaliated with an annoyingly blunt knife thrown into the wall next to his sister's door, leaving a web of delicate cracks that seemed as scattered and confused as he felt.

Venting didn't work. Jace still felt as horrible as ever. And it was all the fault of that fumbling archer, who Jace was sure that he'd been doing far better than, weapon-wise.

Jace told himself that _he_ didn't matter. He didn't matter.

Really.

But he couldn't get that old mundie saying out of his head.

_Left alone once, shame on them, left alone twice, shame on me._

Jace was so very cold.

But then, a few weeks later, near the end of autumn, Alec came back.

It was hardly a dramatic return. Maryse didn't accompany him. There was no moody sunset sinking in ripples of fire, no drumming rain that would have illustrated Jace's mood perfectly.

No, it was nothing more than a crisp, cold morning, early enough that birdsong flickered over the gloomy city, but late enough that the sky had begun to slide into shades of crisp, glassy-pure blue.

Jace hadn't slept at all the previous night. He'd paced round the Institute for even longer than normal, treading all the corridors save the one which held Isabelle's room. For reasons utterly unknown to his twisted, insomniac brain, Jace had ended up in the library.

It had been, as always, a dusty room stuffed with all the knowledge Hodge loved and that Jace would have happily burned, if only he could warm himself next to the fire. The space hadn't felt abandoned until he saw the large armchair next to a low-lying bookshelf. It was occupied by a nonexistent figure, outlined in air, and as Jace's tired eyes registered, the figure appeared to be dressed all in black.

_Just great, _He growled to himself. _I get to hang out with some deprived Shadowhunter ghost who probably kicked the bucket a century ago. Or maybe I'm hallucinating. Joy._

Jace went over and curled up like a cat in the armchair, draping the soft black mass of fabric he found there round his shoulders. The chill thriving inside his body faded a little.

And because of some great and personal affront he must have _undoubtedly_ committed against the Angel, Jace still couldn't sleep.

So, that morning, he had skulked back to his room and hurriedly equipped himself with a set of seraph blades. He was about to walk out the door and vent his frustrations on whatever demon that was fortunate enough to be graced with his awe-inspiring presence, but something stopped him in his tracks.

Alec's bow and quiver were hanging on the back of the door.

In perfect condition, of course.

Their user had always taken careful care of his primary weapon, even after killing a demon.

Jace had preferred to make a heroic return to the Institute, stumbling, covered in blood, and collapse elegantly on the nearest soft surface, leaving Alec to clean the seraph blades and keep him company.

Jace half-smiled, strung the bow, and slung them both across his back, giving the soft white feathers of the arrows an affectionate stroke. It had been a few months since he had used a bow, but it never hurt to have a back-up, now that his regular backup had decided to bail on him.

A few minutes later, Jace ran down the hallway, out the door, and into the quiet, deserted street. The windows all along the street were dark, traces of blue creeping into the sky, but he might be able to catch a demon just before it dissolved, if he was lucky.

He relaxed into an even step with leonine grace, feeling some semblance of energy leak back into his muscles, the chilly dawn breeze stroking past his face with the delicacy of a silk scarf.

Jace felt better, stronger.

Demon-hunting, that, he knew well, even if Hodge had continued to deny his fighting skill since last year's birthday.

_I would just adore some normality right now, _he mused, _Ravener corpses fall to Sansanvi, Isabelle feeds us all some crap which I swear she gets from the dregs of the East River, Max chirps about his latest boring-as-hell picture book, our loving parents gallivant off into the sunset, Hodge continues his futile attempts to deny my glorious destiny, and Alec—_

Pain exploded in Jace's head and did a tap-dance on his left temple as he rebounded off whichever idiot had been dumb enough to run right into him.

'What the bloody_ hell?' _Jace growled from his rather undignified position, getting ready to smash whoever—

And he stared into shocked sea-blue eyes framed by an untidy mop of black hair.

Ret-hot rage reared up inside him.

A whole Angel-cursed month, without a _word. _

Alec Lightwood was sprawled on the cracked grey pavement. 'Jace, I. . .' he sputtered.

Raising one eyebrow, Jace sank cross-legged onto the ground, and elegant in his black leathers.

This was going to be fun, he thought with pain-filled satisfaction. He looked up through a few strands of golden hair, and gave his parabatai a diamond-hard glare.

A mocking smile slid onto Jace's lips.

'So, the prodigal brother finally returns. I'll guess that you're going to come up with an excuse for leaving me to die from a nice, _healthy_ dose of Ravener poison?'

'I'd never do that!' Alec protested in a strange voice.

'Really.'

'No! I got you back to the Institute, didn't I?'

'Details, details.' Jace drawled, 'Our first mission as partners, and you ran off like a scared rabbit the second I woke up. I could have been keeping company with all our dearly departed ancestors by now.'

Alec flinched, drawing his knees close to his chest, away from Jace. Jace scornfully noted it. 'I had-had to go.' he said softly, 'There was . . . It was. .'

He refused to meet Jace's eyes, who grinned. Alec deserved it.

'_Tell me why you left,_' Jace said, mercilessly widening his smile. Unknowingly, he had removed the bow from his back, and was turning it round and round in one hand, knuckles clenched white.

Frozen, Alec looked at him. 'There wasn't a reason!' He protested.

Mind blank with fury, Jace lunged for him. His carefully constructed mask broke, and anger twisted his face as the young Shadowhunter grabbed Alec, placing his own hands on either side of the other boy's pale, miserable face. Jace felt the short, suddenly rushed rhythm of Alec's hot breath on his face.

'So you left for no reason? _No_ fucking reason?'Jace shouted, no longer caring who heard. '_Didn't you even care if I died?' _

'I'm sorry.' Alec whispered. 'I didn't think you'd care if I left, I had to work out—.'

'Care?' Jace said, emotion draining from his face. 'I didn't think you'd be _this _brain dead about it. You _tell _me why I'd care that you left me.'

'I don't know,' Alec said, his blue gaze sad.

Jace was momentarily speechless. He wanted to scream at himself for letting Alec think such bullshit, he wanted to yell at Alec for not knowing just how much it had hurt when he'd woken up, weak from poison, and Alec hadn't been by his bedside.

He set his jaw. 'Fine, then. I'll tell you, Alec, considering I don't seem to know you as well as I always _thought _I did. You—'

'Jace, just shut up!'

Jace stopped, surprised. He could almost see the agony in the other boy's eyes. 'I was scared for you! I couldn't bear it; I thought your injuries were all my fault, that you were going to die because of me. . .' Alec trailed off.

'I can read you much better than you can read me, Alec, and you're damn well lying to me,' Fresh pain pulsed in Jace's heart. 'If that were all, you wouldn't have been gone for a whole month after the attack.' But he couldn't muster the energy to be angry anymore, so he dropped his hands and wrapped his arms round Alec, held him tight, and buried his golden head in the slope of the other boy's neck and collarbone, burnished curls brushing Alec's face. 'I care because I care about you, you idiot.' _He's so warm, _Jace thought.

'We're parabatai. . .you have an obligation. .I understand if. . .' Alec whispered, his voice oddly tight.

'Crap.' Jace growled, raising his head and staring Alec in the eye. 'Alec Lightwood, you are and always will be my best friend. Never doubt it, no matter how badly we doubtlessly have and will manage to offend each other. Got it?'

Alec looked at him with tentative hope. 'You really do care?

'I hate to repeat myself.' Jace said. Then he hugged him again, before Alec could return to his hurt-puppy look. 'And if you ever run off like that again, I will _kill_ you.' Jace threatened Alec's shoulder.

A smile, bright and wide, slowly grew on Alec's blushing face. 'Thanks, Jace.' His eyes lit up like blue stars. Nervously, he raised a hand to Jace's curls, but didn't touch him.

'What's the big deal?' Jace complained into the other boy's black hoodie. 'I've very generously decided to forgive you your obstruction of the truth, you could at least do the same for—'

'Nothing! No issue.'

'Fine, whatever. I always knew you were crazy.'

Jace wasn't sure why Alec suddenly sounded so happy. In Jace's book, his parabatai should still have been angry with him. 'So, do you forgive me for being an asshole? We can go back to being the legendary duo, as long as you never leave my deathbed again?'

Alec snorted. 'It wasn't your _deathbed._'

'You didn't answer my question, and change what I said to _never_ leave me.'

'Do you really need to know?' Unsureness crept back into Alec's voice, a curious blend of hope and pain. Jace mused over why that might be, then gave it up as a bad job.

'Oh, for the Angel's sake, let's not start this again—'

'Jace. Listen.'

'I am your captive audience.'

Jace then proceeded to illustrate his point by drawing Alec even closer, delighting in the warmth gained while absently speculating what the going rate was for personal heaters these days. Human ones.

Alec went redder than the rosy light which was bathing the both of them in glowing sunrays. The city was waking up again. He stammered, and then took a deep breath. 'How the hell can I_ not _forgive you, Jace?

'Awesome.' Jace pulled back and clapped him on the back. He then grabbed the bow and stood up, offering it to Alec along with a hand. 'Let's get back to the Institute before Izzy comes after us both with that whip. Not that she'd be able to catch two superior warriors such as ourselves.'

Alec grasped the other boy's hand, and there was a new spring to his step as they began to walk together, heading back through the stirring life of the city, people beginning to head out onto the streets. 'I can barely remember why I'd be angry at you in the first place.'

'. . . and personally, I think that Hodge's disappointed face will be worse than your sister. .' Jace turned to look at him, his handsome face framed by a golden halo, the sun rising behind him. '. . Wait, what was that?'

Slight figure outlined in light, Alec smiled with a hint of melancholy and replied quietly. 'You do—things that drive me crazy, Jace, but before you finish doing them, I've already forgiven you.'

Golden eyes staring at his friend, Jace came to the conclusion that Alec's alleged guilt and worry must have affected his mind. Not even Isabelle had forgiven her adopted brother this quickly when he had booby-trapped her door.

Jace's laughter rang out in the street, rich and sweet. He tipped his head to one side and smirked impishly. 'I tend to have that effect on people. Haven't you noticed yet, Alec?'

Dark hair fluttering in the morning breeze, Alec snorted sarcastically. 'That attitude can't be good for your ego.'

'Receiving my honest dues is not stroking my ego. Not that I have one.'

'S_ure_.'

'Ah, but I wouldn't use my charm to take advantage of _you_, Alec!' Jace grinned, 'And most people would kill for five minutes of conversation with me, so consider yourself lucky. You _know_ you love me.'

Alec stopped in his tracks and forced out a laugh. 'Acting like that to everyone will get you in trouble one day, Jace.'

The addressed boy scoffed. 'What? You saying I won't have the entire Clave at my feet?'

'Keep on like that, and they'll be at your neck.'

'Come _o_n. What can anyone do to me? I'll be the best demon-hunter in Shadowhunter history by the time I'm seventeen! I won't need the support of _anyone_.'

Alec's heart twisted. He hadn't missed the slight thread of fake overconfidence twining round Jace's words. He knew Jace better than anyone, and right now, his . . ._ friend's_ nerve was failing him as he thought of the future. He felt rather guilty at being happy that he was likely the only one who could recognise it.

They came to a standstill near the Institute, bathed in radiance. A that moment, it was hard to believe that any demons had ever existed. Marbled, the sky streamed with streaks of pure rose and brilliant sapphire blue. Fierce golden sunbeams spangled murky roofs and buildings as far as Alec could see.

But to the dark-haired boy, the reckless young Shadowhunter before him shone far more brightly.

'You might not need my help, but I'll be here anyway.' Alec told him softly, hesitantly. 'Like you said. I'll never leave you alone.'

And Jace's answering smile was beautiful, all the thanks he would ever need.

.


End file.
